Is this love? Am I falling in love...?

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you...


Juno ♡

a song from me to you (or actually for myself?? i don't really know... )

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own.

i logged in and start typing

It's just the second day of the week but I knew that this will be a super hectic week for me. First of all, the teacher day's fashion show has made me absent from almost all of my tuition this month, and not to mention I also skipped some class for rehearsal. After teacher's day on Thursday doesn't mean that I can exhale a bit because my class' inauguration will be held on this saturday and my class monitor had silly-ly choose me to be the head of decoration sector ( for God's sake, can't he see how busy I had been this few weeks? )
So now, here I am, separating the time for rehearsal, my class' decoration, and my part-time job too.


Will post more,

Juno

help meeeee! my brain is abducted by holiday plan!

Help me! My brain can't stop thinking about my may'11 holiday. T_T
I keep thinking about it though I know I have more things to be thought about now, like my college entrance test for example.
Oh God, what should I doooo? :(((((

(Throw them away first, J. U still can think about it later! Think about ur college entrance test first! You need the tuition grand!! Please100x J)

sunday :)

Morning bloggie! Typing this post while I'm lying on my bed with my BaBy blue :*
Anyway, please ignore my few last post, that's the time when I'm feeling so bad about myself. I couldn't say that the problem had been solved, it's just abt 75%, because I'm still trying to be a better person.

Well, my friends and I are planning to go on a vacation on may 2011, it's more like a farewell holiday I guess, since it'd be the last time we could hang out before we go to college. We already decided to go to KL and Genting Highlands, but still couldn't decide where to go for the third destination. I myself highly rercommended singapore, why? Because singapore is so much fun, convenient, and clean. It's quite pricey I believe, but we could be more 'hemat' , right?
I even plan a few places that we should go if we go to singapore! Yes, this few days, I've been browsing in travelling websites like crazy! It was fun though, it even made me think that maybe I should take tour and travel as my third option for the course for college, lol. Afterall, I really hope I could go there, but I'm quite fine with other option too...
I'll post my list of 'places to go' as soon as I can find a computer to blog. Lol

Bye... :*



-stay optimistic!-

......
I'm totally speechless.



Am I such a bad person?
Why I still don't know how to prioritize which one is more important for my life?



Can anyone just kill me?

Maybe I really have a pollyanna disease

I wanna get out of this place as soon as possible. Because I'd rather life alone than being forced to be someone I'm not.


Okay, I snap out. I messed up, I done a lot of wrong things, I dunno how to differ what's more important in my life.
The point is, argh, I'm just messed up.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???

tell me dear

If I tell a lie, they'll get mad at me, if I tell the truth they will also get mad at me. Tell me what should I do? Tell me how to be a better human.

I could really use an 'F' word right now

Happy birthday

another 24, which means another birthday this month.
happy birthday to one of my besties Ernawati a.k.a Cia2.
i couldn't believe that we've been friends for 6 years ald.
thank you for always listening to all my thoughts and giving me your fab point of view.
and forgive me because i haven't been a good friend, i've done or said a few things that probably hurts you.
but after all, i wish you all the best, may smile and happiness always follow you where ever you go.


XOXO,

J

scribbling some little things

today is the first day of my second monthly exam, and i realized will also be the last time i experience what so called 'second monthly exam' as next year i will ald graduated from high school..

well, today runs smoothly i can say, though i can only do 60% of my math exam. but who cares, it's my last year! i'm supposed to relax a lil' bit abt school life and focus more for my college exam, right?

anyway, have i told you that i now, work as a playgroup teacher's assistant? i guess not. but, yes, i do work now. today is just my second day, but i can tell you that all of the children are super cute! i hope i can take their pict and post it here to show it to you ;p. my job is quite simpl e actually, i just have to make sure the kids pay attention to the teacher, drink their water, and help them with some lil things.. so it's pretty fun actually :)

okay then, got to go now. c ya.. ;)

-dream as high as u can.sky is the limit. u'll never know how full of surprises ur life can be-

Quick post

It's 12 o'clock already, which means i should already go to sleep, but then i decided to post something, since i've been abandoning my blog for so long. :(

Synergy called me today and told me that we can start to apply to Lasalle already. So all i need to do is ask mommy for the last confirmation, pay the administration fee, and collect all the files that is needed. Oh yes, and prepare my portfolio.

i only got about 3 months left, and i haven't start even a scratch, please just kill me X(

i already have the idea, and all i need to do is make it into a real piece of artwork. so i hope i can finish it in time, or else.

Anyway, angel told me that her mom has agreed to let her enroll in Lasalle too! Superb!

as for my second option, i'll choose Nafa, but i decided to apply online. as it saves me a lot of money than applying it from medan.

Well, wish me luck guys!

:*

-You make your own happiness-

Sorry dear bloggieeeee

my blog looks as dead as a deserted island in planet XXZ

oh God,,,

so sorry '~'

i'll try to post sth in this few days...

c y guys next time.. ;)

stay tune

a little wish on a white post

Today is his birthday, and actually i really wanna give you a few special things today like be the girl who gave you a birthday cake, sing happy birthday song to you, and maybe give you a kiss in your cheek but i couldn't, since i'm your nobody and to consider my love is only a one sided love. If only you know how i envy all his friends around him who can wish him happy birthday eye-to-eye,and gave him a birthday surprise.

So i'd like to share some few things that i wish i can say to you.

"happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you..
happy birthday boy, hope you have a fantastic day today (as i'm sure your day will be filled with
all your best friend wishing you happy birthday) wish you all the best in everything that you do,
reach every dream that you want,and good health for the whole year."

and last but not least, for once again "happy birthday"

why?

i miss you like crazy
i miss those times
i miss those moments

i love you madly
i love the way you smile
i love just everything in you

there are times when i really really wanna tell you about my feelings to you
but, i am afraid of what other people will think about me
stupid, yes i am
i hate the fact that it's not common here for girls to say "i love you" to the boy they love first
i mean, "why?"
why we may not?
we only want that someone to know, it's not like if we tell them, they have to be our boyfriend
we only want that boy we secretly always look at, we secretly always dream of, to know that there is a girl out there who love him more than he could imagine. we only want them to KNOW
and if they doesn't have any feelings to us, why they can't just act normally? act like how we are before we told you about our feelings, act like "we are friends"
ugh...
i really wish i can tell you

silly?
as long as it is because of you, i'm fine with it.

Something i rarely do

I'll post a few pics in this post, yeah i know that i rarely do this before, but i have so many random pics in my lappie and i'd like to share a few here. Enjoy.. (:

me and stupid

so problem's solved, thanks to my cousin and my best friend, thanks for the time, for listening to my stupid thoughts, and for giving me solutions. so it was just a dream, dream are only supposed to be a dream, nothing more, nothing less. well u can say i'm feeling much better now and i'm trying not to believe too much in supernatural things like that and just believe in God.

-have faith-

i dreamed..

last night, i dreamed that i lost one of my teeth, i googled for the meaning and i found out that it means that i'll lose someone in my family. call me superstitious but this scares me to hell. Please God, i beg for forgiveness if i ever did something wrong, but please, bless my family, God. I beg you. Please God.

- i pray, i pray, i pray -

exam is going to be over... yipppie??

it's already the 19th of august, which means my monthly exam is going to be over soon, but somehow deep inside my heart i don't want it to end. It doesn't mean that i love to stay awake 'til 2 o'clock in the morning to study, but well, you know what i mean dear bloggie... of course it's because of him, it always is. okay, let's drop the subject.

anyway, since it'll be holiday for the third grade science student tomorrow,so me, suvie and julia decided to take a short break from our studying routine and went to Thamrin Plaza to watch "The Expandables". The storyline is quite good, and it's full of great actors, explosion, and blood. Thank's God there is Jason Statham in the movie, so it's quite worth watching to me, cause i adore him. His accent and his acting too.

well, got to go, i'll continue next time
ciao

--don't stop believing--

so here i am...

so here i am...
doing what a gemini-an good at, which is multitasking.. i'm currently studying physics and on lining...
people might ask, 'how can you study that way?'
well, i don't really know how to ans it, but i cant concentrate well when i'm studying without doing anything else like on lining or watching tv (yeah, i do it everytime)
muhaha

anyway, i know it's already mid august and i haven't start my portfolio for my application to Lasalle yet =="
i hope i can start doing it after i finish my monthly test at school :)
i really want to get accepted in singaporeeee :(
i don't really mind whether it is in Lasalle or NAFA.. as long as it is in Design major and in singapore...
because if not, my mommy will send me to Jakarta.. and that sucks..
i hate jakarta traffic, and especially the fact that i have to stay with my relatives there..
i want to be independent! duh..
living with your relatives, is... i dunno how to say it but, for sure, it'll give you much more drama in your life, i already had enough...
i also haven't bought any ielts or toefl book to enhance my english skills, since i already graduate from my last course and i don't go to any english course now, so i'm afraid that my english skills will get worse...
hais.. so many drama...
but i know that this last year will be very "menentukan" for my future.. so i will of course 'use' this last year wisely..
need to get back to physics now, bye!


-- the greatest failure is not failing after we had tried sth, but when we afraid to try to do sth --
and so far, i've made so many failure then... ~.~

thank's God

thank you God for making my wish came true
i myself still can recall how amazed i was when that thing came true
thanks God, thank you so much. . .

some thoughts

School had started for a few days, and i dunno why but i feel that this year will be better than last year. It doesn’t mean that my new classmates are better than my old one. Well, i still can’t say anything about them though, since i don’t really know them well yet. But, i don’t know why, i feel that this year will be better :)

Anyway, i sat right on the back row, at the corner to be exact. Yes, right at the corner. So it’s pretty damn hard for me to socialize, beside with the two people who sit in front of my table, whom i don’t-know-why sit so far away from my table, and with my deskmate, suvie. So hell yeah, it’s pretty damn boring there. Thank God at least i still have the big window on my other side. Though there aren’t any good view to look at, i still can see the blue sky at least :)

When i was arranging my school book in my bag a few days ago, i saw his picture which i put right on my bookshelf, and it made me feel really grateful. I feel really grateful to know him, because if not because of him, i won’t know how does it feel to love someone. He is afterall from the start always the boy that inspired me so much, from his personality to every little thing of him. So though i can’t have him by my side, i always feel grateful to experienced this one-sided-love, for it taught me a lot if things too. Really, i’d never knew how patience i can be if not because of him, as i am usually the kind of girl who loathe waiting so much, but i don’t know how, i already wait for him for nearly 3 years now. It’s not an amazing thing though, some people might call me stupid i guess for waiting for a boy for so long, but the problem is ‘i just don’t know how’. Or maybe i don’t want to?

your smile is my drug

i'm not quite sure how to write it out, but i indeed feel happy today... maybe.. because i saw him 3 days in a row? i don't know.. but the last thing i know is that i smile with myself like crazy for a few sec after he flashed me his smile today.. okay, i'm quite sure that i had gone crazier.. but this is also the point where my dilemma start to grow bigger..and bigger.. i,indeed want to see him everyday.. all i want is that and if it came true, this will be the best year for me.. but how if i don't? now my eyes can't see anyone else but him again.. what should i do?

things that always made me feel so ambitious

this post is dedicated to every little things and people that always made me feel ambitious to fulfill my dream =) enjoy~

my family

these are all the people that i love the most. the people that i always want to be happy, and the people that i want to make happy. it is for them that i study well and always do the best.
sorry i don't post any pics here =( i was blogging through my bro's pc and there is nothing here beside games and songs =="

my friends

the people who always cheer me up. the people who give me a lot of ideas. the people whom i share laughter and tears with. i feel so blessed to have you guys =)

Deviant Art

i love browsing images here. i don't know why but the creative atmosphere is very strong here! this website gaves me a lot of inspirations and always made me excited to fulfill my dream to be a designer

America's next top modelmy most favorite reality show ever!

why i love this show? because the winner is not judged by "sending text messages" but they are judged by expert people in the area. The contestants are not a famous model, but just some 'next-to-door' girl. So we'll see their transformation from being a next to door girl into a 'fierce' supermodel.
1 more thing, this show also give feedback and useful tips for girls learning to be a model!
some pics =)

this is nicole, winner of cycle 13
her pictures are simply gorgeous
see?this one is mckey (cvcle 11)
also one of my favorite winnerand this is london (cycle 12)
she doesn't win, but i love her hairstyle so much...
actually her pictures are quite good

cute stuffs, cute things, cute blogs

i don't know why i always feel excited and inspired when i saw cute things while i'm browsing or going to a shop (maybe cause i am a girl after-all. lol) there aren't any particular website that i usually open to search cute stuffs. i just click-click-click! :P

i think it's a wrap for this post.
i can't think of anything else already. lol

keep on trying. keep on believing

well, i got my report today..
actually i already can see my score yesterday..
about my score...
i really don't know how i should express my feelings about it
i don't know i should feel grateful or feel disappointed about it

i'm happy that i still made it to the big 10 rank
but i'm disappointed because i can't get into the big 200 rank for my parallel rank
and i fell like i want to cry when i see my english score
it really is the lowest score now
it even beat my last PB score
it's lowerrrrr
maybe it's my fault for not studying well :(((((


and i always dream of being in a plus class you know
but since i'm not in the big 160 rank i guess i should bid that wish goodbye
:'( :'( :'(

so it's much more like this :

wish list :
[ X ] go to the + class
instead of putting a crosscheck mark, i should put a big X there


the good thing is i manage to stay positive and believe in GOD
so no matter how impossible i think it is.....
i believe that nothing is impossible if we believe in GOD........

so i end up like this :

wish list :
go to the + class or go to a better class than my 2nd grade class

peaceeeeeeeee.....
wish me luck guys
and sutomo... be kind to me pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee????

still in seventeen mood

5 th June
the second day of being a seventeen girl turns out to be a very exciting and hectic day
so when i arrived at my modelling tuition, my teacher approached me and told me that i will participate in a show @ cambridge
i was freaking excited at that moment!
i do some GR at cambrige in the afternoon
well, i do still have problem with "tampil di depan umum"
my nerve is killing me...
so i can only do nothing but pray and practice more
at nite, me and my besties with kuku and my cousin had my birthday dinner at swiss-cafe
i don't make a big party, but still, this is my party and this is the best party ever ! ♥♥
some pics

♥ me and cia" ♥
♥ pela, man" and me ♥♥ me and the gangs ♥
(-) cia" who went home earlier

" there's no words to express how i feel towards being seventeen "

seventeen seventeen

finally i got time to wrote abt what had happened during the past few days..

♥♥ 4th June ♥♥
my besties gave me a surprise early in the morning
they came to my room, gave me birthday cake and sang me "happy birthday"
i never experienced any birthday surprise before so... i'm indeed speechless
lol..

we ate cakes,played with ethan and jackie (angel's lil puppy), and laughed all around :))

♥ my birthday cake ♥

then we went to Happy Puppy
yes, another karaoke-ing in june :p

♥ jecy's hand, ce and angel ♥

in the evening, me and my family went to Cin Yen restaurant for some lil birthday dinner of mine :)

♥ grandpa ♥

today is indeed the best bday ever! ♥ ♥
♥ huge thanks to dad,mommy,grandpa,kuku and all of my besties ♥

Last day of being an 11th grader

my biology exam turns to be very sour
so let's not talk about that,shall we? =="

so after the test, me and the girls went to inul vista for 3 hours of karaoke-ing and taking snapshots like crazy
we sing, we laugh, we jump around, we have fun!
then we headed to Sun Plaza to grab something to eat :9
due to financial restrictions (ceile,, pke bhs rumit g jls) we decided to just ate at Es teler 77
after that, we decided to went home
such an awesome day i should say


anw, i'm still thinking of some activities that i'd like to do during holidays
some of them are :
- watch all the DVDs that i already bought from a long time ago but due to hectic activities, i still haven't watch it until today
- make an artsy thing from a piece of cardboard into a place to stick all my photos
- read some novels
- cook some recipes
- hang out w/ my old friends

well, a very homey holiday schedule isn't it? :)
but i'm still trying to ask my mom to take me and my brothers to Universal studio,Singapore during this long holiday ;p
i am drooling to go there !

gotta go, so sleepy ald...
i'll try to post abt some awesome movies i had just watched during this few weeks :)



P.S : i saw him today!! on the last day of school before my long holiday. Thanks God for letting me saw him today.

the first day of june

so i was browsing around and i found 1 very special blog made by a very special girl
her name is veren lee and her blog's name is "the little princess" she is just around 13 y.o i guess but she's a very inspiring girl i admit
she has a great fashion sense that suitable for girls around her age (how i wish i can be a girl like that, as you know, i can go to a mall wearing a tee and a hotpants which is a so "common style")
i believe i can be like her, i'm just lack of the prop ( u know, my mom never bought me a too unique-cutting dress as i usually won't wear them ) and lack of confidence too
but as i grow older, i guess i want to find my own style, i want to have that confidence of wearing sth that make u feel unique
so, not that i want to be a copycat, i decided to try to upload my blog with some of my street style
maybe i'll start off with some very common style, but i believe, things like 'fashion sense' can grow stronger if we practice it day by day, isn't it?
i also will try to save my money so that i can at least buy one new piece of sth to fill my wardrobe.
as i'm entering modelling world too, i guess it's pretty important to make me feel more fashionable, isn't it?
and some up-to-date dress would surely help me a lot in the future when i'm planning to join a modelling competition

okay, let's back to studying again
ciao

Going Insane

I don't know what the hell is going on with me
I always said to myself that i had to over him, i always said that my dreams abt him won't come true
but why everytime i saw him, my hope grows 10 times bigger?
maybe it's because i'm the kind of person who won't give up easily
and maybe at the same time, i'm also the kind of person who like to lie to myself
maybe i wrote things in my blog like " i give up, i'm over him, bla3X " is only to assure me that what i lied to myself is true
okay, i dunno how i feel for him now
i don't feel any heartbeat when i saw him and he flashed me a smile today
but, though i don't feel any heartbeat, why instead, i feel that i want more?

" he's my own brand of heroine "

well, maybe he is..
i'm not lying if i still use him to encourage myself to study and to be a braver girl
(yes, though it's very embarrassing for me to admit this, it's true)
so... can anyone tell me, what kind of feeling is this?


" To me, you used to be someone i love. But now? Even myself don't know the answer "

Feel like blogging

i'm having my holiday currently
i planned to do a lot of things actually
but one day has passed and i still feel that i haven't done anything

okay..
i'll share some great news..
i had bought a laptop!!!!
yippie!!!!
like, finally..
i named it 'Toshii'...

and guess what..
i also bought a pair of high heels!
no name
as i usually don't give name to non-electronic things (except my bolster)
it's 12 cm high heels,, can u imagine that??
it's very beautiful, and hard to walk with too =="
so i'm currently practicing to walk with it, and practicing to pose too (my body is as stiff as a wooden block, believe me)

**huge thanks to daddy and mommy!**


so night worlds...
may God bless us in what ever we do..

1st day of modelling tuition

12.15 as nervous as hell. i keep thinking that in approximately 5 more minutes i'll be in my modelling tuition. keep thinking " oh God, what should i do there? "
12.20 arrive
12.21 pay some administration fee
12.25 another girl arrives
12.32 another girl arrives
12.35 a man come in and it turns out that he's my catwalk tutor, and ask the three of us to go to the 4th floor ( as there is where my class is located )
12.40 as tired as hell, 4th floor... oh my God
12.42 class is started so i learn the "pose 1" of "catwalking" today.
the keypoint for pose 1 is : walk, pose, spin, pose, spin, pose, spin, walk, spin
so many spinning 'til i get so dizzy @.@
but in the end it was quite fun in fact i can't wait for next week!
I'm sure is going to practice a lot at home and buy a "killer" high heels soon, so i can improve my skill

tatatabubulalasisi

okay... i know it's not a hot news anymore...
but i don't have any ideas left for my post...
so here it is....

well, there's nothing that i can be proud of from my score anw.. --"
it's just a "so-so" score for me...
my target is actually to reach around 70-75 for my average score, i only got 69.. :(
one more point! ugh...

the only subject that doesn't make my eyes sore when i see my score is only my Civics...
it's ninety-something... ffuufuu
okay... maybe i also should feel quite impressed with my English score, as there are only a few people in my class who got a "pass mark" on this subject..
i got 80 anw.. (but it's still one of the lowest eng score i ever got.. duh.. )
but,, i have to feel grateful to everything that happens in my life,right?
so... i think i'll say "Congrats" to myself...

anw...
this thought came to me suddenly when i felt depressed about my score for a few gazillion sec..

" Ke sekolah pagi - pagi.. Pulang sore - sore... Langsung ke les ampe malem...
waktu ujian belajar mati - matian... tapi nilai gag bagus juga... merah juga.. remed jg... salah siapa ini? murid? atau guru? tidak bolehkah kami mendapatkan nilai dan masa dpn yg cerah?? "
okay, it's quite awkward isn't it?
i didn't translate it into eng, as i think it'd sound more awkward.. haha

~ i wish, i hope, i pray that tomorrow will be a better day~

help...?

aigo...
dont know why but...
why my blog's template become so... weird suddenly??
it's like,, everything move here and there by itself!
duh...
can anyone tell me what's going on here?

Love doesn't travel alone

so as what i mentioned in my last post..
i had just watched the movie " Hi, my sweetheart "
and it makes me think about my love life...

well, i noticed that i NEVER had a boyfriend yet.. ( i'm going to be 17 soon! and i still haven't got any bf :'( )
pity me, eh...
okay, i know... boyfriend is not everything...
but... i never feel the experience of being loved by a boy....
and i secretly wish i can exp one before i go to uni...

*i don't believe i'm going to write this out*
but...
i decided to stop loving HIM
that 'someone' that i often write abt...
well... i think i prefer to be loved now...
i believe that if someone love us, it won't be that hard for us to love that person too...
as long as he cares and loves me sincerely...
what's so wrong abt giving them a chance?
rite?

-the problem is, there's still no boy that love and care abt me- (haha, pity me)


i used to prefer to fight for my love, that i should be with someone i love...
but.. this feeling hurts me so much you know...
i search for him, but he never showed up
i open his profile like everyday, i think of him every second, but... he is just like... still like that...
so it makes me hurt more and more...

okay, okay, i still love him...
but.. i don't hope for him anymore...
i give up, boy
i give up...

Hi my sweetheart~~~

HI MY SWEETHEART!!!~~

OMG... love this drama so much.... <3>
the storyline is very good...
have humour, romance, and sad parts too.... :((
too bad it's only 14 episodes...
i want more!!!
omGGGG!!
love this drama so much....

and SHow Luo also.. XP XD

so cool~~~ ~^^~
so handsome~~ ~^^~

guess i'm going to pass out soon bcos of his charm...
>u<>

The drips of rain

enjoying my 'a few last minutes' before i have to leave to tuition...
so i decided to post sth...

so we have a wonderful weather for this afternoon, a cloudy and rainy one...
yippie!
but the bad thing is i have to spend in by going to tuition...
nah...

aniwei..
i am having a super great days...
hahaha
i couldn't stop smiling...
n dunno hw to write it also :P
gtg!
bye.. ^^

A cup of.... tea?

we've a nice weather outside...
it's quite sunny, but i feel excited about it ...
to sum it up, i love it.. :)

let's talk about future today
i'm in love with Interior Design since i'm in primary school (around the 5th or 6th class if i'm not mistaken)
when i was a child, i believe that i will have a future that have a connection with drawing, since that is the only thing that i love and good at...
then i realized that... I love seeing houses, the furniture, the decorations... and I figure out that we can study that in Uni..
then i decided to study that in Uni...
and i believe that,when we are in Uni, the major that we r studying must be the major that we love, and we are pretty good at..
no matter what obstacles we have,i think it's still better to study what we love
then study what our parents want us to...
it's useless if we pursue sth that we don't love, it'll be pretty hard for us in the future...

okay, got to go, tons of killing housechores are waiting, bye~!

him him him

oh great...
because i mentioned him just now, my brain suddenly played a bunch of memory i had about him...
oh great...

now it feels so real...
his smile, his face, the stupid things i wish i had done....
oh dear...



::howiwishijustdontmentionedhiminmylastpost::

distracted

my fam will arrive in medan approximately in less than 12 hours..
and i'm still awake and eating indomie actually...
it's my fuel before goin' to bed..
lol :p


i just realized that...
i rarely talk (read : type) about him as often as i used to in my post
it's not that i dont love him anymore...
i'm just...
well,, trying not to think about him too much..
but.. i guess it's not working quite well =='
cause i dreamt of him oftener when i didnt think of him as much as i used to..
duh..


okay...
let's move on to another topic...
exam is coming (yes, i know, i know)
the only subject that i can do is Math...
oh God... i'm surely dying here...
as i think this monthly exam will give me more distraction..
you know.. my family is coming.. and as i can imagine it, there will be a lot of.. going here and there... and how can i study??
as i believe i'm not the kind of girl who will stay at home to study while all of my family member go somewhere..
duh..

oh God... please please please help me.........

God..
::please protect my family who will come to medan tomorrow... give them a save and great flight...::
God bless you, you, and all of you...


see y!

Hi there

Okay... so here i am...
maybe i'll online more this few days since i've got my internet connection back as what i had said in my last post...

i enjoy yesterday's weather more!
the breeze,and the gloomy sky..
what a great day!

the problem is,, it is very hot again today...
Yikes!

i go to school to attend my afternoon class and we're just doing some biology presentation as usual...
i still don't understand why the school don't just give us holidays...
since we're doing nothing at special at school anw...

well...
I cant wait for next week!
cant wait to see my family!!
woohoo...


keep smiling, stay happy, feel the excitement!

Spring Breeze

finally i got my internet connection + privacy back!
finally i can post sth...
it's been like months ago since my last post.. (no exaggerating,really)

anw..
my family will come to medan for the "cheng beng" tradition in this end of March..
but maybe i can't enjoy all the fun, because i have to face my monthly exam on the 5th of April..
*sigh*
but another anw...
i promise to study a lot better this time...
i have to raise my parallel rank you know..

and let us dance to the rhythm of the Spring Breeze...

see ya on my next post...
May God bless all of you...

stop being stupid!

for God's sake, i should stop spending my money stupidly... but the problem is that i had already become like my stupid habit also.. indeed i should start saving my money.. ouwh.. how i hope that i can do that.. because here i am.. at a salon.. doing pedicure.. i hope i dont get blamed for doing this.. (aku tak tahan godaan. . .) oh God...

just let me smile

so nowadays after all of the cries and tears and everything else, i decided to just let it flow... i'm going to smile too in the end,rite? so why should i think too much? i can act as sad as possible when i'm feeling bad and i can smile as shiny as sunshine when i'm happy, doesn't it sounds great? it is for me... LOL.. so you can say that im in a good mood today.. despite the drama thingy( nah, i dun wanna write anything bout it here.. too complicated ).. so... just let me smile.. -- i wanna be free; i wanna be new and different; be anything i'm not --

i dont know whom i should believe now

it feels like.. everything i do is wrong.. everywhere i am is wrong.. everything i say is wrong.. wrong.. wrong.. wrong.. i dont have any place i this world.. maybe my life is a bunch of mistake... and everything i have is destroyed one by one.. piece by piece... if someone knows where i belong, do you mind telling me where is it..? cause i cant stand everything anymore... i am just.. broken already... i am the girl who no one cares,no one loves,no one intend to pay attention to.. i am alone in this world.. yeah.. i knw that fact since i was a child.. that's why all i can do is keeping myself strong.. but now.. i dunno.. i'm just too weak already... too weak to support myself to keep on facing this life.... i really..really wanna run away...

okay. i am sorry.

i know i should not do that. i know that i had promised not to do so. i am sorry. please forgive me for this time...

bagaimana aku bisa terus berpura pura kuat kalau aku sudah amat rapuh?

tolong.aku uda mau mati.....yah.. atau stdkny aku uda mau gila.. too much probs.. i don't even know how to write it out. aku merasa gagal bgt jd org. aku krjanya cuma ngecewain aku sendiri and org2 d sekitar aku. smua rencana yg aku susun gak ad yg beres. dunia seperti menjauh dariku. n gak ada yg peduli. gak ad yg mau tau.gak ada yg bx bt aku tersenyum. aku uda g tahan lg. aku uda trlalu lemah utk menyemangati diriku sendiri. if i can't stand it any longer,is it wrong if i choose to just run away?