Disappointed

Life is quite static, beside getting busy with my college's assignment, i live my life as normal as i can think of. Go to class every morning til afternoon, went home, cook dinner, do homework, then go to sleep. I am getting bored with this and i hope i don't get so bored until i lost all of my passion. I admit that my works so far is not as satisfying as how i want it to be, and i don't really stand out, just swaying in the background. I always tried to give my best, but still, i always end up in the middle, sometimes i think, am i not suitable enough in this field? and end up getting angry at myself for being not hardworking enough and sadly, not creative enough. Also, i realized that my english is getting worse, in spite of the fact that i am in singapore now, most of my friends are indonesian, which make me speak indonesian more than english at some point, tragic.

Looking forward to open a new chapter in my specialization, hoping that i can find more foreign friends so i can brush up my english skill more, and work harder in different environment. I want to be one of the best student, and i want to stand out at the field that i love the most. Hope that it's not something too much to ask for.

Still, no luck this valentine, still no special guy and even no one in my heart, maybe it's better than spending it with unrequited love like the last few years, but damn, my heart keeps on screaming, 'where the fukc is that guy for me? do i even have one? why i still haven't get one at this age? is this even normal? am i too bad of a person until no one likes me?'.

that's it, feels better after i can finally wrote this questions somewhere.

Jess

Happy Chinese New Year!

i know it's quite late already, but better late than never isn't it?

I spent my Chinese New Year in Jakarta and Bandung again this year with my mom's side of family, and it was really fun to be able to meet with all of my cousins from my mom's side since most of them live in Jakarta and Bandung and usually i can only meet them once a year.

And now i am back in my cozy room, doing homeworks. It's okay though, i promised myself to do it as how i like it, not just for the sake of finishing it.

Anyway, after stumbling on a video project made by a blogger, i was sort of inspired to do something like that as well, not being a copycat, but we artist do get inspired from other artist and try to do something in our own way (ngeles ceritany :p) so i'm going to record (a short one, 5-10 secs) whatever i did in a month, and compile it, i'll start next month, and hopefully i can post it here by march. :)

gotta back with my work! see y :D

Jess

Hilang

Telah lama aku bertahan

Demi cinta wujudkan sebuah harapan

Namun ku rasa cukup ku menunggu

Semua rasa tlah hilang

Sekarang aku tersadar

Cinta yang ku tunggu tak kunjung datang

Apalah arti aku menunggu

Bila kamu tak cinta lagi

Namun ku rasa cukup ku menunggu

Semua rasa tlah hilang

Sekarang aku tersadar

Cinta yang ku tunggu tak kunjung datang

Apalah arti aku menunggu

Bila kamu tak cinta lagi

Dahulu kaulah segalanya

Dahulu hanya dirimu yang ada di hatiku

Namun sekarang aku mengerti

Tak perlu ku menunggu sebuah cinta yang semu

Sekarang aku tersadar

Cinta yang ku tunggu tak kunjung datang

Apalah arti aku menunggu

Bila kamu tak cinta lagi

Sekarang aku tersadar

Cinta yang ku tunggu tak kunjung datang

Apalah arti aku menunggu

Bila kamu tak cinta lagi

-----

Such a perfect song to describe what i have been feeling this past few months. Wish i had knew this song sooner, maybe my heart won't feel so empty then. But life's been good, i finally figured out how i spend my life before i fall for you. It's quite empty i admit, but it's better. I had no regret anymore, because i had done what i should have done and after a very long time i finally can feel what freedom is again. Yes, it's not easy at first, even now i still feel like there's a part of me that's gone, but i'll find my other part again soon, somewhere.

"Namun ku rasa cukup ku menunggu. Semua rasa tlah hilang."

Jess

Here it goes

Less than 2 weeks before departing back to singapore. Truthfully, no matter how long is the holiday, i think it will never be enough for me. There'll be always more things that i need to do and i will always think that i don't have enough time. I love being back in my hometown, though there are some moments when i feel like, maybe living in other country, is a good decision. However, i always want to stay here as long as i can.

A new year will also come soon, last year, i wrote some hopes and wishes for 2011 in a piece of paper, and put it in my drawer, i look at it yesterday, and realized that my number one wish, which is to study in Lasalle had came true. I try to recall how i feel last year, when getting accepted in Lasalle means so much to me, and i knew i will always remember how it felt, maybe, that's why no matter how stressful the classes is, i knew i will never give up and always enjoy it. During my holidays, i gave some thought again, on how i want my future to be, and realised that no matter how i used to adore singapore, i also want to expand my wings to further places, i want to go and live in different countries and see how different things are there, so i made up my mind and decide to continue my bachelor degree later in Australia. Why Australia? Well, i am still thinking of other countries as well, but for the moment, Aussie seems like the most perfect country for me, it was not that far from home, and singapore had the same politics regulation as Aussie, so moving there won't be that hard, and it was a really different culture there, since there are more caucasian there, so i get to see how the differences are. However, London or USA also sounds good, isn't it? hahaha

Gonna end up this post, anyway I wish all of you a Happy New Year :)

Jess

Dear God, please tell me that i had done the right thing.

*fingerscrossed*

Jess

Hometown

Hi there peeps, finally back in my hometown now. Life has been good so far, spent these few days by relaxing and eating and chilling with my family and friends. In fact, i don't know what to write anymore, because that's all that i've been doing. Hahaha

It's always good to be around your family after staying alone for months, you can see how much they actually love and dote on you. And your bond with your siblings will get stronger somehow, yes, i know it's quite ironic, but i do feel closer to my family after i don't live with them.

well, planned to meet up with my buddies again to catch a movie today and more foods hopefuly, hahaha. Life's good. :P

Jess

News News News

Ah, anyway, i got some good news to write here. I am moving!! I'll be staying here (the place i am currently renting) until about 26th November (since i am going back to medan on 26th), and on January, i'll stay in the new place! And i am going to move my stuffs on 24th Nov (planned to). I'll be moving to Bukit Timah area, and i'll share a room with my classmate, Key. There's also one of my friend who is from Jakarta as well, in the other room. It was quite pricey though, i hope i won't burden my family so much for this. (Really have to work part time here on my free time). So yeah, that's all i want to write. Gotta get back to my assignments!

Jess