how am i gonna get over you?

Let's just say that i decided to end this one sided love since yesterday.
And far from my expectation, today turns out not that bad. Though i still caught myself thinking about what you are doing for a few times, laughing at your tweets, and writing about you now, which obviously made me think about you again. But the good thing is i don't check on your twitter and facebook profile today, i don't even had the urge to, and i don't feel any hurt feelings when i see you are tweeting with some other girls. One step ahead i guess?
But i won't say that it is easy for me to reach this state, i mean, i had to drown myself with "Gonna Get Over You" by Sara Bareilles for tons of times since yesterday, and reassuring myself as hard as i can that this is the best solution the best ending.
But just a few minutes ago, my ambitious side knocked on my door, and said "You sure with this?" and i am just speechless. So i listen to "gonna get over you" again.

Okay, i know, a part of me, maybe 30% part of me, still finds it hard. I mean, i am always this ambitious and positive thinking girl that somehow most of the time always get what i want. And that 30% part of me still wants me to think positive and believe that my dream will come true, but the 70% part of me thinks that all of this is enough, 3 years and a half of dreaming is more than enough and if he doesn't want me, it's time for me to look for someone who does, or at least enjoy my single life without that pain in the chest feeling that i get everytime you replied my chat with that flat respond, everytime you always says goodbye first, and everytime i saw your tweets, which is about talking to some other girl.
i am tired of thinking, i am tired of getting hurt by my own thoughts.

I may still love you, but it's a different situation now, i won't make you as the main reason of my happiness again, i don't want to only feel happy just because of your smile, just because you mentioned me, just because of seeing you, no, i don't want that anymore. I want to open my eyes and see that there are a lot of things in my life that i can cherish too, and i can feel happy because of those things too, it doesn't always have to be you boy.



"I'll wait for you as long as I can. But, when the time comes I fall for someone else, maybe it's about the time to wake up and have the happiness I deserve" - www.superstellacupcakes.com
oh no, should i be that ambitious girl again? is this quote is the best solution?
why love has to be this hard?


J