Eggcited :B

Let's just say besides that I need to stay up to do my assignment, I'm also too awake to sleep. Very very excited. Had a Super Sunday yesterday! All thanks to Jesus!! Praise the Lord!
Stay tuned for my next update! ;)

March

Morning lovelies, or should I say noon, lovelies. Haha. it's almost 1pm here, and as usual, procrastinating. 5 weeks left of college. Man, how fast time passed by. It's like I just typed about how excited I am to start college, and now I'm going to graduate from it already. These three years hadn't been easy, but I feel very grateful to be able to be here. I met lots of friends, experienced so much stuffs and of course learnt a lot too. Lasalle to me is like, hell hell hell, then you see that light of heaven for a while, then hell hell hell , then that light of heaven again, and then it goes on like that again and again. lol
But in all seriousness, I do realize that I have learnt a lot here. Although I don't think I am really good in Interior yet. I still have a lot to learn.
Modelling wise, Singapore made me learn and experience modelling a level higher than what i did in Medan, the industry is taken more seriously here, and the experience is of course different. I still can't believe I am signed to a respectable agency here, and although I haven't did much stuffs due to my busy school schedule, I am glad that my booker see that talent in me and offered me that contract to join the agency. I am very serious about this world, and I will try my best in every job that i get.
Future wise, honestly, it's pretty blurry at the moment since I am not sure what i want to do, it's like i want to mix everything, and not trapped into one. Gah, what a passion i have here. But anyways, I am really sure that I want to continue my further study in UK after my 3 years bond is over.
Another birthday coming up. Pretty psyched about it, since I am turning 21, omg omg omg.

On a side note, I am so glad that i still have my group of girls by my side, supporting and comforting me in bad situations, it's not always easy studying and living alone here, but, they always made me know that I will always have friends by my side.
My cousin too, she's the best. Can't wait for her plan to come here on May. I hope the flight ticket will be cheaper. Please jetstar?
Okay, need to continue with my work, write to you again soon. bye!

Jesslyn, is this how a grown up supposed to act?
How, how does one has to behave in order to be perceived as a good person?
Eeeeeppppp...

Just how much failure does one allowed to feel until one decided that they just have to give up?
Feel like crying out loud and release all this burden...

Is there anyone?

I admit that I am not good in making friends, I'm socially awkward and shy, I don't find it comfortable to talk about my problems or stories to my friend, not because I don't trust them, it's myself that I don't trust. Which is why I always prefer to be the listener. So far, I hope my friend could understand this part of me, I want to change, to be the talkactvie one in the group, but so far, I still couldn't really do it,  Maybe it's one of my trait already, it's what made me who I am. I am the follower, not the leader, I took hours to made a simple decision, and if you want me to pick a place to eat, it'd took me hours of research, to find the perfect place, because I don't want to make people, especially my friends down. And when the place that I choose is not as good as how I expected it would be, it really kills me on the inside, and I feel really bad with my friends. I treasure my friend, because I know how hard it is to find one.
I fucked up, honestly, I have my own set of problems, my college, my family, myself. At times, I feel like talking about my problem to my friend, but I don't know where to start. It's too complicated, and I'm not too sure about how I feel towards certain situation too. I told you, I can't make up my mind.
To be honest, this matter had bother me since quite long ago, but I never really know how to talk about it. Until these few weeks, I really can't take it anymore, hence this post. There are times, when I feel like, is my friends really my friends? Maybe I don't have the rights to ask this question, since I never really open up with my friends, but I just hope that they could see more than what I show them.
I also don't know what kind of outcome that I'd like from this post, I just want to write the thing that has been bothering me. Is it okay for me to expect more from them? Is it okay if I hope that my friend is really a friend?


Jess

Chanel Cruise experience

Sorry for not updating, but I should write down about this in my blog as it is probably the most epic day of my life so far. And, while my memory of it is still super fresh of course.
Let's see, how to start, probably I need to inform you first that I am currently signed with Basic Models (yeah, I am with an agency now! which means more opportunities and I can have more experience in this modelling industry.) And I happen to book a job for the NAFA showcase (6th-8th) and I met a lot of enthusiastic, passionate and talented young designer here. And they are all very nice. :) On 6th of May, I received a message from my booker to went for a casting, at Loewen road, for a show on 9th May (When I received the message, I already kinda suspect that it would be for Chanel, because I know that Chanel Cruise will be held on 9th May, and the location is somewhere around Dempsey Hill;; Loewen Rd is a part of Dempsey Hill. So yeah, do the math)
So I went for the casting on 7th May, and the people who's in charge brief us a bit about what is our job scope and what show it actually is, and for sure it's CHANEL. The guy whom we met for the casting, told us that he'll talk with our booker for the further confirmation. But most likely we'll book the job. (Okay, at this point I really feel like hugging and thanking my booker, I had no clue whom she knows from this Chanel show's organizer that she's able to get us go for the casting, not to mention to be confirmed on the spot!!)
And on 8th May, I received the confirmation that I get the job! (Woohoo!! How insane is that!! I am really supercalifragilisticispicalidocious-ly excited. It's CHANEL, hello, excuse me.) and I found out that Choi Siwon  is flying to Singapore after he attend the MET Gala Ball (Siwon knows Karl Lagerfeld! So do the math again!) Also, CHANEL is flying over 40 International Models too! Can you imagine how excited I am, to have the chance to meet the models that I usually can only see from my laptop screen?? I mean, I watch Fashion TV like it's my Channel News Asia! Super nervous and excited indeed. Maybe super is still not enough to describe how I am feeling.
And so, 9th May came, and I woke up around 5.30am to get ready and everything. I am the first model to arrive at 75C Loewen Cluster (what an accomplishment! Lol) after waiting for some other models, we are then escorted to the venue itself (Consists of some houses, ranging in size, and gardens) and it was so beautiful, the garden and all the houses on the sides are all painted in white and black (Chanel's signature colour) and they also use an off-white colour pebbles for the footpath. Then the runway itself, it was an indoor runway (I thought it would be outdoor, like their earlier Cruise runway, but probably Singapore is too hot already, so they need to make it indoor. Not to mention the inconsistent weather) I think the location for the runway used to be some kind of warehouse, which they renovated some part of it yet still keep the rusty and vintage feel of the building. Salute for all the details. It was a feast for an Interior Design student. So many inspirations. Haha. No wonder they spent 6 month to prepare the show. And oh yeah, for the usher, they especially select a bunch of male models from Singapore. Imagine, a place with one handsome guy every one meter. Lol.
We are taken to a room to put our stuffs and then back to the runway, we're briefed about what they want us to do, which is basically to walk the runway a few times (A hell lot of time actually) until they got all the cameras in the right position and angle. I was wearing the wrong heels at first, which made me can't walk comfortably and my feet hurts so damn much, until to one point, the heels gave up, and break, so I change to my flat shoes and life feels a damn lot easier. Haha. Honestly, I enjoy walking on the runway, I love it, I feel quite tired at first, but then I got my energy back and I can say, I won't mind if they want me to walk more. The runway was actually quite long, about 1 km perhaps? But at the end of the day, I still feel very pumped.
And, there's this one time when I was walking the runway, and suddenly, a whole bunch of international models came in!!! The first one to came in was Lindsey Wixson. And I am like, Holy Shit, it's Lindsey Wixson!!!! Then Cara Delevigne, Aymaline Valade, Ming Xi, Shu Pei, etc. They are soooooo gorgeous. And yes, they are as tall and as skinny as how you see them in the photos and runways videos. They got briefed and then when they are rehearsing, we get to sit and watch!! I'm like asdfghlkling inside, this is a super rare opportunity! To see the international models walking on the runway, live! And Cara is so goofy, she was jumping and skipping around. Well, I guess when you're a supermodel, you get to do whatever you want. Lol.
Okay, my job basically is only waking around, so let's skip to the part when the first show (for press and media) is held at around 4pm. I was at the backstage, well, I am only allowed to be at the backstage. So I get to see the beautiful Chanel Cruise pieces and what the models usually do before they stepped out to the runway. And the there comes Karl Lagerfeld. The Kaiser of Chanel. His presence is so... I can't find the word. The point is, he is epic. Ha. And seriously, the collection is so beautiful. Especially when you see it right in front of your eyes.
And after the first show is done. We need to walk again a few times for the second show's camera check. But before that, we managed to walk around and snapped a few pics with the supermodels! :D
then they are preparing for the second show, and basically our job is done, so we are allowed to go had dinner, and then welcomed to join the after party. I suppose I look very unglam, because I had been walking around, sweating and my skin feels so sticky. But I don't care, it's Chanel's afterparty and there's a chance that I might meet Choi Siwon, so I just changed to my party dress that I just bought from New Look, my platform heels, retouch my make up, and blend around in the after party. Took a glass of white wine and just walk around as if I am one of those socialites and rich lady whom is able to get the invitation to Chanel Show, lol. Blend in, blend in. Can't find Siwon or any models around the garden area, so we move to the bar area (the interior of this place is so exquisite, i don't even know how to explain) Tried some mousse and dessert, and my friend Lynn, met her designer friend, so she was talking with her, while me and Zhou Mo (the other model) was just sipping the wine and talking, and then from the bar entrance area, I kinda saw a bunch of people coming in, so I just took a glance and HOLY SHIT, it's SIWON, like only 2 meter from where I am standing. I swear I look so comical that moment, I was even had to look away and look again a few times to make myself sure that it is indeed siwon. Someone used flash to took a pic of him ( because the bar area is quite dark) and suddenly one of his bodyguard, came to us and told us to not use flash because he's having an eye allergy or so. Zhou Mo, bless her for being so brave, because I am literally frozen to where I am standing. Walked to Siwon when he was passing right in front of where we are standing, and ask him whether we can took a photo with him or not. To which of course he replied 'yes'. With a very charming smile. At this point, I think my heart is beating super fast. We tried to make some small talk with him, asking him about the show, the collection, I told him that I was a huge fan, and the we took photo (he even said we can use flash, because it was too dark, how nice of him!) He just keep smiling and very chatty too. And oh, his English is good. really fluent. Then I shook his hand, which is damn smooth and said thank you. Really, thank you so much. Since not everyone, every fan can get the chance to take a picture with him. Then he move to another group of people.
We decided to stay around the bar area, for a while until Lynn said she's leaving, but me and Zhou Mo, decided to enjoy the party for awhile more, fresh sashimi, caviar, king crab, lobster, passionfruit mousse, champagne, red wine, etc. All kinds of exquisite food and drinks. As if this night couldn't get even more magical. We stayed around 'til elevenish, and decided to end the night. Although people are still dancing around to the live bands, I wish I decided to stay longer too, and enjoyed myself more, because I was too self conscious that time, because of the guests. But all in all, 9th May will be the day I treasure the most, a very magical day and a wonderful way to close my teenage year too. (Turning twenty soon dearies!)
I guess I'll this post here. I will really work hard to get another, this kind of experience in the future, and not as a backstage model, but as the one walking on the runway next time. I know it's not going to be easy, but I want to work hard and see how far I can go. And with God, whom would guide me well.
I have said it many many times but again, Thank You so much God for this experience. :)


Jesslyn

"I feel like life's moving so fast, it's always been a desire of my heart to be a model. And when my dream came true, I have to say I've been blessed to have the most amazing world opened up to me far beyond my imagination. Oh, and it's more than just being a model, it's the excitement of knowing I'm free to be myself. Dreams do come true, it's all about confidence, keeping a positive attitude, believing in yourself, and real hard work. Never, let anything or anyone distract you or get in the way of you achieving what you want. You can have it, take it from me. Chanel Iman. Just believe." 

Chanel Iman

It's not that i can't but i don't have the will to... I am so screwed....

Well, let's list down my homework, since I keep on procrastinating them, who knows by doing this, I'd feel scared and start doing something

- 6th Sketch Model for Studio Practice
- 3 Plans and 2 Sections of 6th Sketch Model
- 8 Visual Studies' Glass Fasteners drawing
- 1000 words book review for Contextual Studies
- 1 Photoshop Rendering for Digital Studies
- 3 Furniture Rendering for Digital Studies
- 1 Barcelona Pavilion Animation (with 3 Rendering) for Digital Studies

And those are all due this week and I haven't even start a scratch of them. I am so f*cked up. Probably it's a right time to curl up and die.

Screwed as f*ck

I guess I came to the realization that as long as I am loving whatever that I am doing, everything else, be it love, wealth, etc. will all come in order. The problem is, I am not loving what I am doing now, and I don't even know what I would love doing. So probably this is why I am so screwed at the moment. Screwed as f*ck.

And for a second, I think I know what I want to do in my life. But for a minute, I am left pondering, can I? Is it really what I want?

That moment when you realize that after all this years, you still find yourself smiling whenever you accidentally saw his photo on fb, wishing that when you are out in some malls you'd accidentally meet him, just to see how he is doing now, or probably.. you just want to be given a chance to see him again. That moment when a simple 'like' in your fb photo from him, still made you feel really happy because that means he still remembers you, and whenever he passed your mind, although not as often as it used to be, you still wish that he's doing well, no matter where or in what situation he is now.
And when i realize this, I feel like crying, because a part of me realize that I am very stupid, and I am not supposed to even still type things like this.
Please just slap me in the face real hard instead.

'No, I don't love him anymore, what do you think I am?'
Is the line that i tell to all my friend whenever they ask me about him. But then i always will find myself, asking to myself, 'do i?'

Probably not, not as much as i used to. But first love never really go isn't it?


Jess

P.S. : For perhaps any of my friends who stumbled upon this post, I am okay, just feeling a little gloomy at the moment, so my heart start to wanders around.

How time flies, the last time i post anything here is when it is still December and suddenly, Bam! it's February already. End of February to be exact. Insane.
A part of me is feeling very bad for abandoning this blog, but you know how I hate to write about my problems, because when it's already over, I don't want to see any traces of it. If it's over, then it's over. Done. And I start to hate the fact that whenever i post anything, it would eventually end up with me writing about how lonely i feel because i have no romantic partner whatsoever. So, that's my reason for not updating. But well, I've been writing here for quite some time, so I kinda miss doing it some times, although i couldn't find the time to. So I guess today is finally the time to write a bit.
January was actually really good, I don't know what part of me is working but I love and miss it. I was so motivated to do my work, well yes, i still feel stressed at some time, but it didn't affect me much. And now i just realized that probably the fact that I am going back Medan during February for CNY is what motivated me. So now, when I am already back, and have nothing that I am looking forward to, guess what I've been now? The procrastinator again. I need to finish this stupid assignments but I just couldn't find the will to. Does this mean I need to find something to look forward to again? Let's see, the earliest that i can go back to Indo is probably around June, now it's still February, so roughly it would be in around 3 months time. 90 days. Not bad huh? Time to start crossing my calendar then.
I'll write again soon.


Jess

Future

Hi dearies, I just realized that I have no idea of what I wanted to do in the future now. In the past, my goal is to study Interior Design abroad, and now that I had achieved my goal, (and get quite disappointed by it because the college that I had chosen turned out to be teaching Interior Architecture instead of Interior Decoration). *sobs for my life* . Now I had no idea of what should I do in the future. Being an architect is obviously out of the picture. It's just not me at all okay, designing the exterior of a building, and blah3x.. No, no, I don't think that's me at all. So currently i thought of a few options :

The first one, after i finish my diploma at Lasalle (since there's no way i can step back, I suppose I just have to finish it right? Just another 1 1/2 year, and after all, i will still gain some skills that i can use in the future i believe), I'll work in a firm, while also taking class about Interior Decoration. And, build my future from there. 

Or, after finishing my diploma, I'll work in a firm and save my money and continue my degree elsewhere (hopefully London, or Melbourne) taking Interior Design, or perhaps Visual Merchandising, yes, I am interested in that area too, decorating shops, how exciting is that? Although i realised that i might need to study fashion and business as well if i want to work in that area. I won't mind, since fashion has always been a part of me.

And then there's my third option, after finishing my diploma, I'll go apply to be a... *drum rolls* stewardess! very random huh? I just think it would be fun, you know, I'd love to travel and see the world, and the pay is not bad you know, an SIA stewardess can get minimum salary of 3800sgd/month. Not including bonus. And i get to travel around the world and meet different kinds of people! Beside, i had been travelling alone using an airplane since i am in grade 6, so I am used to flying. And maybe after my 3 years work contract is finished, i can go study visual merchandiser or interior decoration, or fashion or maybe pastry! Oh i have a lot of areas that i am interested in indeed, I guess i just can't see myself doing a certain kind of job for my whole life. We only live once, so why not use it to learn various skills right?

So... what will i choose for my future? Honestly, currently I have no idea still, but maybe it won't be far from the three options that i listed here. (Except if one day i get so successful in Modelling maybe I might change my list again. lol) Any feedbacks regarding to my options? 

Jess

Christmas spirit

Yes, I know Christmas almost ends, but I can't help it! still feeling so Christmassy here, hahaha. Oh, i forgot, Merry Christmas! May the joy and peace of Christmas always fill our days to come.
So, today, I want to share some of my favorite Christmas tunes. Hope whoever who read this post and actually spend their time listening to the songs I shared would enjoy it as much as i do! :* Happy holidays!

Winter Wonderland (cover) - by J Rabbit


Let It Snow (cover) - by Kina Grannis


When You Wish Upon a Star (cover) - by Joanna Wang

The Christmas Song (cover) - by Kina Grannis & Joseph Vincent

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (cover) - by Megan Nicole


Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (cover) - by Rod Stewart



Yes, i know, there are two 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' song here, and i am not even sorry because, i love the song so much. My favorite Christmas track indeed. Well, i guess that's all then, Hope you had a very merry Christmas today.


Love,
Jess

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Seriously, how merry can I be, seeing the fact that i might spend my Christmas alone here. I know, i know God has given me chances to share it with some people. Some of my friend are still here and I am sure even my landlady wouldn't mind if i join her Christmas dinner. I guess i should be grateful for the condition I am in now, huh? I suppose i just wish that I can spend it with my family. Like how it always be for my whole life.
So, annoyingly, the feeling of loneliness strikes me again today. I read books, watch movies, about how people meet that special someone, and think to myself, when is my turn going to come? I mean, it seems so easy in those movies and books, you simply went for a walk, or go shopping or anything, and 'Bam!' you meet some stranger who'd somehow become someone very important in your life in just a few weeks or even days time.Yes, I know they're movies and books, fictions. But, they must be based on some kind of truth to be able to be made into books or movies right? Well, how can i even have a boyfriend if I am now not even close with any guy, come to think of it. How pathetic my life is really. Oh. another post about me nagging about the romance part of my life. How interesting huh? Well, maybe I am still single now because I am still unable to love myself, so how can I love others? Yes, I am not the most confident person in the world, I hate some part of myself, but I love myself in some ways as well. I have that bitchy-girl side of me, though I tried not to show it in front of others as much as i can, because I think too much of how I would look like in other people's eyes. I think too much I suppose. And hey, today i found out an acquintances of mine whom 'the-bitchy-side' of me thinks that 'oh, she looks like a person who is less attractive than me', you know, a nerdy kind of girl whom you'd think have a romance issue as well, and guess what, she got engaged today. if even that kind of person can find a significant other and i can't... then, i am much worse? My self esteem just jump off the cliff. Argh, what am i rambling here. Well, since no one is going to read this I guess then maybe i assume that it's okay for me to write whatever i want to write, to express what i feel. That's the point of having a blog rightt? ok, i am signing off now.


Jess

HOLIDAY

Freedom is in the air! Semester break has started since last Friday, and i've been going out a lot, which means spending a lot of money as well. Universal Studio and movie with my classmates, Dinner with my Indonesian friends, and movies and Korean food madness with my roommate, not to mention all the money that i spent to buy materials for my final assignments, and then it hit me when i check my account. I need to get a freaking job. Like as soon as possible. And yeah, I am not coming back to medan this holiday. Soo, two days ago i sent out work application like crazy to all the work ads that catch my attention, and yesterday i went for two interviews. so far I am quite satisfied with their offer, and thinking of working at both places, but i guess i still need to see how it's going to work out later.

Til then

Jess

Time to stop being a spoiled brat jess, like seriously. I think today i've watched and read enough things that should have made me realised how lucky i am to be here in Singapore to further my study. And how much i am loved by my parents. I mean, they have sacrificed so much for me to be here, and i should put nothing but my parents' happiness as my number one priority now. Studying Interior Design in Lasalle is not an easy major, all the assignments and high-demanding lecturers, but if my friends can handle it, why can't i? I may work a bit slower, but this just means that i need to work harder, in the end, if i can have great results, my parents would be ecstatic as well. And as a child, bringing a smile to our parents' face, and making them proud are the greatest things that we could do for them right?
I may start late, but late is better than never isn't it? and who says those who start late can't win the race? i'll show you.


Jess

Tsukema tsukema tsukema tsukeru~

Okay, let's say maybe i got a bit bored of korean pop...




I had no idea how the hell i found these songs but they're catchy enough to make me keep listening to it and quite addicted to it. Seriously the lyrics keep popping up in my mind..
and i still wonder why all female japanese singer seems to have that kind of high pitch voice....


Pon pon pon way way pon way pon way pon way way~
Jess

I'm a silhouette

I'm tired of waking up in tears
'Cause I can't put to bed these phobias and fears
I'm new to this grief I can't explain
But I'm no stranger to the heartache and the pain

The fire I began is burning me alive
But I know better than to leave and let it die

I'm a silhouette asking every now and then
"Is it over yet? Will I ever feel again?"
I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

I'm sick of the past I can't erase
A jumble of footprints and hasty steps I can't retrace
The mountain of things I still regret
Is a vile reminder that I would rather just forget (no matter where I go)

The fire I began is burning me alive
But I know better than to leave and let it die

I'm a silhouette asking every now and then (now and then)
"Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again?" 
I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

'Cause I walk alone
No matter where I go
'Cause I walk alone
No matter where I go
'Cause I walk alone
No matter where I go

I'm a silhouette asking every now and then (now and then)
"Is it over yet? Will I ever love again?" 
I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

I watch the summer stars to lead me home.


---
the best track from the whole album, i just have to share it.


Jess