i don't know

I always think that this is my dream, what I always wanted, but now, I can't believe I'm crying while typing this, I miss my family, my friends, everyone that I once had. I feel so empty here. I know, it's just me that still can't adapt. I thought I won't feel sad anymore, because I had experienced this 6 years ago when I decided to move to medan from batam, but still, I feel what I felt during the first few weeks when I just moved to medan, I feel like crying. And now, all I want is just to be with my family.

Singapore

Hi there, it is 30th July today, well time flies so fast, i couldn't believe i have been in singapore for almost 1 week! Well this week is filled with orientation, and adapting, not to forget, walking. (lol) Mom is already back to Batam today, so here i am, alone in my new house in singapore. my housemates seem good though, especially the indonesian one,they are really friendly, maybe that is why foreigners always say that indonesians are really friendly, when you're in some other country, you'll realize it, seriously. my singaporean housemate seem so.. reserved (like, she has a motto 'my world is my world, your world is yours') and the malaysian? worse, i haven't even spoke a word with them. it's like i don't even exist. gosh. really awkward.

My college is great, it was artsy, and beautiful college, not to forget mazy (is that even a word? haha) My PPD tutor seems nice and strict, and there are a lot of singaporean and chinese in my class. Yes, by chinese i mean they are from china, i couldn't even understand a word when they are talking to each other. wtf --" hope i can make friends with them *fingerscrossed*

and to tell you the truth, i feel like i don't have any friend here. :( sad sad sad.

i miss my mom

@jesslynfeliciaa

16th July

Just went home from my relatives' wedding. The newlyweds used to live in USA, so maybe that's why the wedding ceremony has a feel of western style wedding. It was a pretty enjoyable night anyway.

Mom has bought my flight ticket to Batam on 20th July, so fast :( i've been trying to convince mommy to bought the 22nd July flight instead, but mommy has few things to do in Batam, so there goes the 22nd July flight :( wondering what i should do to fill my days from 20th to 23rd July, since i am going to Singapore on 24th July. No brothers, no internet connection, guess i'll look at my blackberry for 24/7 --"

So technically, i only got 3 days left in Medan, haven't pack, and i still got tons of stuffs to do, not to mention some last hangouts with my girls, hope i can do all of those in these 3 days. I have a list of medanese foods to eat before leaving from medan too, really wish i can eat those foods too in these 3 days. Lol

see you in my next post! (that i will probably post in singapore already! still getting nor exited nor nervous though)

@jesslynfeliciaa

12th July

Regarding to my last post, no, i'm not going to ask mommy and dad to buy me all of those stuffs, my college fee has already been pretty expensive, my mom will kill me if i ask for some more stuffs that might be not really important right now. For example, I already have a 15" Toshiba laptop, which is pretty good for design already (mac, please wait for 1 or 2 more years!), i already have a sneakers, i already... wait, i don't have any bag that is appropriate for me to bring to college, so maybe i should go and find a bag. But no, i don't have any camera :( can i survive in an arts college without camera? :( or should i buy one?

mumbling, scribbling

@jesslynfeliciaa

wishlist

will be leaving to singapore in less than 2 weeks, and my mind is full with the things that i wish i have (so i can bring to singapore, lol)

macbook pro

Doc Martens eye boot

(been craving for one since years ago, but i thought i won't be wearing it much, but since i am going to singapore and i'll be walking around much, i've been craving for it again! actually any brands will do, i love the design, not the brand :p and the one that's comfortable to wear)

Bags (the kind of bags that is stylish yet i can bring to college)

i fell in love with this shorts at the first sight!

last but not least. a DSLR (i am a design student, dont give me that look. lol)

or at least, a pocket camera will do ;p

we are YOUNG

Bold

BOLD what applies to you:

01. You’re currently confused about someone’s feelings for you.

02. You have been in a serious relationship before.

03. You own an iPod of some sort.

04. You do not like your sibling’s girlfriend/boyfriend.

05. You drink too much alcohol.

06. You have been to the Olive Garden.

07. You have taken medicine of some sort this week.

08. It is really cold in your house right now.

09. You are extremely dependent on others.

10. You do not like to express your feelings in front of others.

11. You ate a lot of food today.

12. It doesn’t take much for you to cry.

13. People consider you as a happy sort of person.

14. Someone in your family is rich.

15. You have been to Disney World or Disneyland before.

16. You hate when people constantly talk about themselves.

17. You are a good listener, but you hate complainers.

18. Someone has called you for a serious medical emergency before.

19. You have had a serious surgery.

20. Your house has a spare bedroom.

21. Your house is old.

22. You have at least one cousin under the age of three.

23. You have never held a baby before.

24. You can’t handle toddlers.

25. You have a painting in your room.

26. You have been to Canada.

27. You have been to Mexico.

28. You love cherry flavored lollipops.

29. You celebrate Easter.

30. You observe Lent.

31. You are Catholic.

32. You do not believe in God.

33. Religion is not important to you.

34. You want to have a small family one day.

35. You would rather have more sons than daughters.

36. You have more aunts than uncles.

37. You hate being too cold.

38. You currently are way tanner than everyone else.

39. You wear shoes in your house.

40. Your parents are clean freaks.

41. You are more messy than clean.

42. You are currently angry at someone.

43. Patience is so not a virtue to you.

44. Your desk is extremely clean.

45. Your bed sheets are either blue, green, black, or white.

46. When you hear “black & white” it reminds you of Katy Perry’s ‘Hot n Cold’ song.

47. You have no clue what that song is.

48. You think rap artists are completely pathetic.

49. You are glad George Bush is out of office.

50. Politics are boring to you.

51. You take a vitamin daily.

52. You feel like you are sick often.

53. You hate throwing up.

54. You think it’s gross when people set food down on their desk at school with no napkin.

55. You also find it gross that people sit on top of desks.

56. You are now cringing at the thought of someone’s food where someone’s ass was.

57. You love getting bubble baths.

58. You do not like chocolate at all.

59. You are allergic to nuts.

60. You have been stung by a bee before.

61. You have been to the emergency room before for something.

62. One of your parents is 50 or older.

63. You are the baby of your immediate family.

64. You hate broccoli.

65. Cooked carrots are good, though.

66. You go on tumblr too much.

67. You are really comfortable right now.

68. You like witty t-shirts.

69. You are a major fan of underground bands.

70. You have been on an airplane before.

71. You are not afraid of heights.

72. You consider yourself paranoid.

73. You have had a panic attack before.

74. The thought of being old and alone bothers you.

75. You would choose the elderly over children.

76. You feel like you’re living in the wrong decade.

77. You like the color green.

78. You think it’s way too cold outside right now.

79. You love the thought of sleeping in tomorrow morning.

80. You would rather go to bed early and get up early.

81. You feel like the early bird catches the worm.

82. You are a big breakfast eater.

83. You are currently suffering from the common cold.

84. You are craving something salty.

85. You have been in a car today.

86. There is something plugged in near you.

87. You have heard of the TV show “Private Practice.”

88. You do not like medical television shows.

89. You prefer horror to comedies.

90. You adore Leo & Kate.

91. You think high-waisted pants look good.

92. You hate cheesy movies.

93. You enjoy camping out.

94. Bugs bother you.

95. You do well in school without trying.

96. You are extremely jealous of someone currently.

97. You feel like you have changed a lot from 08-09.

98. You like energy drinks.

99. You like italics.

100. You know the entire script of Mean Girls.

i guess something is wrong with me, i have a bunch of things going on in my mind, but when i logged in to my blog, i don't have any idea of what to write. and if you pay attention, i used a lot of 'i guess' in my posts, every single post i guess, and this shows how inconsistent i am. screw me.

6th July

It's been a pretty long time since my last post, got pretty stressed up because of searching for accommodation in singapore, so far i have found a few potential one, and yesterday, a girl who joined Lasalle's workshop last april called me and asked whether i want to rent a room in a condo with her and another girl who joined the workshop too, i asked my mom, and she agreed, so they'll be my flatmates and one of them will be my roommates i guess, and for the other option, i also found a room in Mcphearson area, both of them have affordable price and took about 10-15 mins bus ride to my college. So i guess i should feel a bit relieved. Haha

Less than 3 weeks before my departure to singapore, and i got a bunch of mixed up feelings, excited, sad, happy, anxious, nervous, blah-blah-blah. I mean, life will be so different there, no maid to wash and iron my clothes and clean my room, no driver to pick me up, and i should go buy my own breakfast,lunch and dinner too. But, i always want to live alone, and be more mature, so this will be a great experience, and i guess the best that i can do is to prepare myself as good as i can. (and filling my 'less-than-three-weeks' in medan with my family and friends for sure! read: hangouts and camwhoring. lol)

will write more,

@jesslynfeliciaa