Pressured. This is the dream that i always wanted, but why do i feel very burdened in doing my college assignments now? shouldn't i feel happy doing it because it's what that i always dreamed of? Lecturer, Parents, Family, and even myself demand me to make the best out of every project, and in the end i feel very pressured and today while on my way home i realized that i don't feel the freedom of expressing myself at all though ironically i'm studying in an art school, where people perceived that its students are a bunch of free people in expressing their ideas. I admit that skill-wise I am not as good as some students, brain-wise? Am I not creative enough to survive? Come to think of it, my works never got praised as few of the best, though i also never those who got extremely criticized, but I am those who are in the middle, grey and forgotten.
And socially, I am not the friendliest girl in class, and i feel awkward when it comes to talking to people whom i recently knew. I want to change myself, to not be this introvert, but it's hard. I tried, and always ended up blaming myself when i failed. So i ended up, keeping everything to myself, shut my mouth and stay in the background, forgotten. And suddenly now everything just strikes me. My heart can't take all of these anymore, too much words left unsaid, too much pressure here and there, i'm at the point of breaking down, but i can't cause it won't make anything better. Maybe i think too much, and i demand too much from myself.
I am such a let down wasn't I?
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