Going Insane

I don't know what the hell is going on with me
I always said to myself that i had to over him, i always said that my dreams abt him won't come true
but why everytime i saw him, my hope grows 10 times bigger?
maybe it's because i'm the kind of person who won't give up easily
and maybe at the same time, i'm also the kind of person who like to lie to myself
maybe i wrote things in my blog like " i give up, i'm over him, bla3X " is only to assure me that what i lied to myself is true
okay, i dunno how i feel for him now
i don't feel any heartbeat when i saw him and he flashed me a smile today
but, though i don't feel any heartbeat, why instead, i feel that i want more?

" he's my own brand of heroine "

well, maybe he is..
i'm not lying if i still use him to encourage myself to study and to be a braver girl
(yes, though it's very embarrassing for me to admit this, it's true)
so... can anyone tell me, what kind of feeling is this?


" To me, you used to be someone i love. But now? Even myself don't know the answer "

Feel like blogging

i'm having my holiday currently
i planned to do a lot of things actually
but one day has passed and i still feel that i haven't done anything

okay..
i'll share some great news..
i had bought a laptop!!!!
yippie!!!!
like, finally..
i named it 'Toshii'...

and guess what..
i also bought a pair of high heels!
no name
as i usually don't give name to non-electronic things (except my bolster)
it's 12 cm high heels,, can u imagine that??
it's very beautiful, and hard to walk with too =="
so i'm currently practicing to walk with it, and practicing to pose too (my body is as stiff as a wooden block, believe me)

**huge thanks to daddy and mommy!**


so night worlds...
may God bless us in what ever we do..

1st day of modelling tuition

12.15 as nervous as hell. i keep thinking that in approximately 5 more minutes i'll be in my modelling tuition. keep thinking " oh God, what should i do there? "
12.20 arrive
12.21 pay some administration fee
12.25 another girl arrives
12.32 another girl arrives
12.35 a man come in and it turns out that he's my catwalk tutor, and ask the three of us to go to the 4th floor ( as there is where my class is located )
12.40 as tired as hell, 4th floor... oh my God
12.42 class is started so i learn the "pose 1" of "catwalking" today.
the keypoint for pose 1 is : walk, pose, spin, pose, spin, pose, spin, walk, spin
so many spinning 'til i get so dizzy @.@
but in the end it was quite fun in fact i can't wait for next week!
I'm sure is going to practice a lot at home and buy a "killer" high heels soon, so i can improve my skill