Disappointed

Life is quite static, beside getting busy with my college's assignment, i live my life as normal as i can think of. Go to class every morning til afternoon, went home, cook dinner, do homework, then go to sleep. I am getting bored with this and i hope i don't get so bored until i lost all of my passion. I admit that my works so far is not as satisfying as how i want it to be, and i don't really stand out, just swaying in the background. I always tried to give my best, but still, i always end up in the middle, sometimes i think, am i not suitable enough in this field? and end up getting angry at myself for being not hardworking enough and sadly, not creative enough. Also, i realized that my english is getting worse, in spite of the fact that i am in singapore now, most of my friends are indonesian, which make me speak indonesian more than english at some point, tragic.

Looking forward to open a new chapter in my specialization, hoping that i can find more foreign friends so i can brush up my english skill more, and work harder in different environment. I want to be one of the best student, and i want to stand out at the field that i love the most. Hope that it's not something too much to ask for.

Still, no luck this valentine, still no special guy and even no one in my heart, maybe it's better than spending it with unrequited love like the last few years, but damn, my heart keeps on screaming, 'where the fukc is that guy for me? do i even have one? why i still haven't get one at this age? is this even normal? am i too bad of a person until no one likes me?'.

that's it, feels better after i can finally wrote this questions somewhere.

Jess