some thoughts

School had started for a few days, and i dunno why but i feel that this year will be better than last year. It doesn’t mean that my new classmates are better than my old one. Well, i still can’t say anything about them though, since i don’t really know them well yet. But, i don’t know why, i feel that this year will be better :)

Anyway, i sat right on the back row, at the corner to be exact. Yes, right at the corner. So it’s pretty damn hard for me to socialize, beside with the two people who sit in front of my table, whom i don’t-know-why sit so far away from my table, and with my deskmate, suvie. So hell yeah, it’s pretty damn boring there. Thank God at least i still have the big window on my other side. Though there aren’t any good view to look at, i still can see the blue sky at least :)

When i was arranging my school book in my bag a few days ago, i saw his picture which i put right on my bookshelf, and it made me feel really grateful. I feel really grateful to know him, because if not because of him, i won’t know how does it feel to love someone. He is afterall from the start always the boy that inspired me so much, from his personality to every little thing of him. So though i can’t have him by my side, i always feel grateful to experienced this one-sided-love, for it taught me a lot if things too. Really, i’d never knew how patience i can be if not because of him, as i am usually the kind of girl who loathe waiting so much, but i don’t know how, i already wait for him for nearly 3 years now. It’s not an amazing thing though, some people might call me stupid i guess for waiting for a boy for so long, but the problem is ‘i just don’t know how’. Or maybe i don’t want to?

your smile is my drug

i'm not quite sure how to write it out, but i indeed feel happy today... maybe.. because i saw him 3 days in a row? i don't know.. but the last thing i know is that i smile with myself like crazy for a few sec after he flashed me his smile today.. okay, i'm quite sure that i had gone crazier.. but this is also the point where my dilemma start to grow bigger..and bigger.. i,indeed want to see him everyday.. all i want is that and if it came true, this will be the best year for me.. but how if i don't? now my eyes can't see anyone else but him again.. what should i do?