stop being stupid!

for God's sake, i should stop spending my money stupidly... but the problem is that i had already become like my stupid habit also.. indeed i should start saving my money.. ouwh.. how i hope that i can do that.. because here i am.. at a salon.. doing pedicure.. i hope i dont get blamed for doing this.. (aku tak tahan godaan. . .) oh God...

just let me smile

so nowadays after all of the cries and tears and everything else, i decided to just let it flow... i'm going to smile too in the end,rite? so why should i think too much? i can act as sad as possible when i'm feeling bad and i can smile as shiny as sunshine when i'm happy, doesn't it sounds great? it is for me... LOL.. so you can say that im in a good mood today.. despite the drama thingy( nah, i dun wanna write anything bout it here.. too complicated ).. so... just let me smile.. -- i wanna be free; i wanna be new and different; be anything i'm not --

i dont know whom i should believe now

it feels like.. everything i do is wrong.. everywhere i am is wrong.. everything i say is wrong.. wrong.. wrong.. wrong.. i dont have any place i this world.. maybe my life is a bunch of mistake... and everything i have is destroyed one by one.. piece by piece... if someone knows where i belong, do you mind telling me where is it..? cause i cant stand everything anymore... i am just.. broken already... i am the girl who no one cares,no one loves,no one intend to pay attention to.. i am alone in this world.. yeah.. i knw that fact since i was a child.. that's why all i can do is keeping myself strong.. but now.. i dunno.. i'm just too weak already... too weak to support myself to keep on facing this life.... i really..really wanna run away...

okay. i am sorry.

i know i should not do that. i know that i had promised not to do so. i am sorry. please forgive me for this time...

bagaimana aku bisa terus berpura pura kuat kalau aku sudah amat rapuh?

tolong.aku uda mau mati.....yah.. atau stdkny aku uda mau gila.. too much probs.. i don't even know how to write it out. aku merasa gagal bgt jd org. aku krjanya cuma ngecewain aku sendiri and org2 d sekitar aku. smua rencana yg aku susun gak ad yg beres. dunia seperti menjauh dariku. n gak ada yg peduli. gak ad yg mau tau.gak ada yg bx bt aku tersenyum. aku uda g tahan lg. aku uda trlalu lemah utk menyemangati diriku sendiri. if i can't stand it any longer,is it wrong if i choose to just run away?

upsy daisy

so sorry i had abandoned you for more than a month bloggie... :( my modem hasn't been fixed yet and i also dont have both the time and the mood to write... ifonlyyouknowhowhecticmylifehasbeen.. thanks God it's holiday already... so here i am.. on a comfy cloudy saturday.. in a BANK.. yeah.. bank.. queueing up like crazy.. but it's ok though.. i got time to write bcause of this anw.. i had lots of thoughts as usual..i always think too much.. but since it's still christmas season,i'd like to write about hope and maybe my resolution for 2010.. ups! my numb had been called..! i'll cont on my next post,kay? tata~

Thank You SO Much Father

Oh God!
My day felt like really upside down between in the morning and after i got my report paper
I was hyper afraid that i can't get my report paper since my tabulasi score was not really good
I was freakin' nervous when mr tjoriman entered my class and when he only called 5 names (and no me) i felt really blank.. I begged to God for every sec so that my teacher can call my name
And after a few minutes of 'almost crying' moment (i cried a bit though)
Suddenly mr tjoriman called one of my classmate's name !
And i started to beg to God that mr tjoriman call my name
And surprise!
My name was called!
I'm freakin' damn excited that time
I don't care how my marks are, as long as i can get my report paper
I felt so relieved
Thanksthanksthanksthanks Father
Thanks so much
As what i had promised You, i promised i will study harder for the semester test..
:)

And i can do the trigono questions at axel!
Yippie..
Thanks again Father..
I believe You had gave me a great future..

Lovethisdaysomuch (ketularan pela.. Haha)